When I was younger, my idea of life looked like this: Go to school, graduate, learn a profession, go to work, meet a man, have a relationship, get married someday, buy a house, have children, and we will all live happily ever after….
But everything turned out differently. Nothing in my life went the way I thought it would, and that led to a ton of complications. For years I was busy moving stones out of my way instead of building a house for myself out of them.
Someday, I will manage to free myself from old beliefs
I won’t get anywhere professionally because my high school diploma isn’t good enough. Besides, I can’t do anything well enough.
Someday, I will overcome despair and turn it into action
At first, I was euphoric and full of hope that the new job would bring me more joy and fulfillment in my work. Unfortunately, things ended up quite differently. The euphoria faded after the first year and, half a year later, I had also lost all hope. Drawing on all of my energy I tried to create positive change but no matter what I did, it did not get any better. After another six months, my willpower said farewell and an unhealthy cycle of ups and downs began.
It was difficult for me to get my work done and around noon, or at the latest at the end of the day, I had no energy left. There were days where I spent more time sitting in front of the computer crying than doing my work because I couldn’t find a way out.
I needed the job to have money to live on. But I no longer had a life – I was just surviving. After two years, I realized that it made no sense whatsoever to continue expending any more energy. A change had to be made. It had also become clear to me that I no longer wanted to work in my profession, so changing jobs was not an option. What I had longed for, for a long time, was a meaningful use of my lifetime. I want to encourage and give hope to others by sharing my past and present journey.
Someday, I will find the confidence I need to let go
I recognized that I had allowed myself to be instrumentalized for the benefit of and out of respect for others for too long, and that I had underestimated my own abilities.
Someday, I will recognize my abilities and find a way
For a long time now, I have learned so many things autodidactically and acquired countless skills. There is no longer any reason not to believe in myself, to continue to spend my precious lifetime on unpleasant tasks and offer my skills below value.
Someday, I will have completed my safety net
A safety net was and is the most important thing for me. So, I looked through my finances and considered what costs I could either minimize or eliminate completely. Then I calculated what amount I could set aside each month and how long it would take until I could live from my savings for 2 years without a job. At first, I calculated it would take me 1 year. Great. That did sound bearable, just one more year at my current job. With newfound energy and motivation from the prospect of finally having found a way out, I got down to business.
Every day after finishing my regular job, I prepared everything for the start of my self-employment. In October last year, I was ready to go except for one small thing, so I started collecting ideas for topics to develop a structure from. In between, it occurred to me that I had made a mistake in calculating my finances. So, then I concluded that instead of one year, I had to work for a whole two years. This was not good at all but hope still remained.
Someday, I will enter times of change
I decided to start my own business right away in the new year, alongside my job. However, nothing came of it. Often, I sat in front of my laptop and noticed that I just couldn’t manage to set up a chronological framework. Well, I said to myself, then I’ll just write these posts first and then I can certainly derive a concept from that. But the writing didn’t want to work either. In addition, my energy levels dropped below zero in the meantime, so that half a year passed without results. Before I knew it, I was sitting at home with burnout and had to admit to myself that simultaneously working and being self-employed was not at all on the agenda now, but instead a healing process and finding back to myself.
Someday, I will have the courage
Why write a blog? It is pointless as there are already countless variations on every topic to be found on the Internet. True, but each person has their own way of communicating and expressing themselves.
I have decided to go for it. Why? Just the chance that I might encourage, give hope, provide the impulse for change, or support one person in any way through writing about my experiences makes it all worthwhile for me.
Someday will be now, here, and today
I look forward to every reader, to the exchange, to mutual learning, and the insights that will arise from it all. Feel very welcomed.
I am free
Free to decide when, how much, with whom, and for which projects I want to work. This freedom is the greatest gift that I have earned for myself, independently, over the years.